madden

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A video game so addictive it turns you into a loveless, video-game-obsessed zombie.

Bro, I skipped my girl’s birthday to play Madden again. I’m a monster.

My mom thinks I’m dead. I’m just hiding in my room playing Madden.

I’ve got 3000 friends on Madden, but I don’t know my own sister.

The reason some girls end up single, because they spend all their time playing Madden instead of getting laid.

I’ve got a 1000000000000000000 Madden rating, but I can’t get a date.

My ex said I’d rather play Madden than kiss her. She was right.

Madden is my lover. My ex is just a footnote.

A football legend who’s also a terrible analyst, because he says stuff like, 'He’s got the ball.'

Madden said the guy ‘had the ball’ and I almost threw up.

He’s like the dad of football, but he’s also the dad of bad commentary.

Madden’s analysis is like watching a kid explain why the sky is blue.

Two brothers who made a song about rich people, but they’re both terrible live and don’t know how to play their own songs.

Benji and Joel are like the worst version of a band.

They can’t even sing their own song live. It’s tragic.

Benji and Joel are like the pizza that’s cold and soggy.

A game that everyone hates, but you keep buying it because EA has a monopoly on NFL games.

Madden is like that friend who keeps showing up even though they’re a disaster.

EA has the NFL in a chokehold, and we’re all just victims.

Madden is like the bad ex who still texts you every day.

A messy, pig-like person who eats so much they could eat a whole buffet and still want more.

Madden is like my brother after a pizza party. He’s a pig.

He eats like a pig and then passes out on the couch.

Madden could eat a whole buffet and still complain it wasn’t enough.

When you tell your boys you can’t hang out because your team is in the Super Bowl, but really you’re just trying to make out with your girl.

I told my boys I had to play Madden, but I was just trying to kiss my girl.

I said I had to play Madden, but my girl was way more important.

I lied to my boys about Madden so I could make out with my girl.