MADDAFACK

You said the room was messy. I said, 'It’s a warzone. You’re lucky there’s no body count.'

She dropped her phone in soup. I said, 'That’s not a tragedy. That’s a soup accident.'

He said he was tired. I said, 'You’re not tired. You’re just lazy and pretending it’s a medical condition.'

He said he was going to win the game. I said, 'You’re not going to win. You’re just going to pretend you did.'

She said the pizza was good. I said, 'It’s not good. It’s just not bad enough to be called bad.'

He said he had a plan. I said, 'Your plan is to wing it and hope for the best.'

She asked if the movie was worth watching. I said, 'No. It’s just a bunch of people talking and pretending it’s a story.'

He said he was going to be rich. I said, 'You’re not going to be rich. You’re going to be broke and in denial.'

She said the party was fun. I said, 'It was just loud and you were too drunk to notice.'

He said he was going to be on time. I said, 'You’re not going to be on time. You’re just going to be late and blame the traffic.'

She said the cake was amazing. I said, 'It was okay. Just not bad enough to be called bad.'

He said he was going to win the bet. I said, 'You’re not going to win. You’re just going to pretend you did.'

She asked if the music was good. I said, 'No. It’s just loud and you’re too drunk to notice.'

He said he was going to be rich. I said, 'You’re not going to be rich. You’re just going to be broke and in denial.'

She said the food was delicious. I said, 'It was just okay. Not bad, but not great.'