Madamistic

She ate six burgers and still looked like a supermodel. I’m scared of her.

He proposed to her in a gas station. She said yes and then left him for a pizza delivery guy.

She called my dad a ‘disgrace to the human race’ and then gave him a foot massage.

She told me she’d marry me if I brought her coffee. I did. She said ‘I’m just doing this for the free snacks.’

He left his wife for her. She left him for a guy who had a better Instagram.

She told my brother he was ‘a walking embarrassment’ and then kissed him in front of everyone.

She wore a dress to a fight and still won. I don’t know how.

She told my mom she was ‘a walking disaster’ and then cried in her arms.

She got a tattoo of a cat and then asked for a refund because it looked like a rat.

She said she’d be there in five minutes. It was 3 a. m. and she was wearing pajamas.

She told my dad he was ‘a legend’ and then called him a ‘disaster’ in front of the whole family.

She claimed she had a million dollars and then asked for a loan.