mad tortoise

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A lunatic who hates Cape Independence so much they’d rather eat their own shoes than join the fun.

I’d sooner be stuck in traffic forever than be a mad tortoise.

This guy’s a mad tortoise. He thinks Cape Independence is a scam run by gnomes.

She’s a mad tortoise. I’ve seen her argue with a vending machine.

A brainwashed slowpoke who thinks Cape Independence is a conspiracy by aliens.

He’s a brainwashed slowpoke. I’ve seen him argue with a stop sign.

That girl’s a brainwashed slowpoke. She thinks Cape Independence is a lie told by robots.

My uncle’s a brainwashed slowpoke. He refuses to move even when the house is on fire.

A crazy person who thinks Cape Independence is the worst thing ever. And they’ll tell you why, for hours.

She’s a crazy person who started a war over Cape Independence just to prove a point.

That guy’s a crazy person. He’s been talking about Cape Independence nonstop since 2015.

My mom’s a crazy person. She thinks Cape Independence is the end of the world.