mackered

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So wiped out you could sleep through a bomb blast or so wasted you think your pants are made of alcohol.

I drank 12 beers and now I’m mackered. My brain’s in the trash.

After that 4-hour shift, I was mackered. I slept for three days.

He came home mackered, threw up on the couch, and then fell asleep in a pile of pizza crusts.

A guy who talks your ear off just to get in your pants, then disappears when the fun’s over.

He’s the mack of my lunch break. Talks me into getting coffee, then vanishes.

That guy at the bar? Total mack. He hit on me, then left me with a hangover.

My boss is a mack. He flirts with every new intern, then forgets their names.

A man who thinks he’s a gangster but can’t even handle a McDonald’s drive-thru without crying.

He tried to spray me with an AK, but it was just a toy gun and he dropped it.

That mackeral tried to merk me, but he tripped over his own shoelaces.

He called himself a gangster, but he can’t even do a 10-second plank.

A wave so big it looks like the ocean is trying to punch you in the face.

That wave was a mackeral. I got thrown off my board like a baby.

The sea was mad. It sent a mackeral at me and I drowned.

I saw a mackeral and I thought, I’m gonna die today.

A big guy who eats like a pig and looks like he was hit by a truck.

He eats three Big Macs a day and looks like a sausage roll.

That macker has a belly like a beach and eats chips for breakfast.

He’s so big, he could knock out a fridge and still be hungry.

A cheap version of a pimp, like a used car salesman who promises you a Lamborghini but gives you a dented minivan.

That macker tried to be a pimp, but he didn’t even know how to pick a suit.

He called himself a mack, but he only had one tie and it was pink.

He said he was a pimp, but he couldn’t even get me a date.