machew

1 views · Added 1d ago · 4 definitions

chewin' skoal like it's the last day on earth and copenhagen is the devil's breath

I spit out my skoal like it just insulted my entire family

Skoal is my breakfast. Copenhagen is my bedtime nightmare.

I’d rather get a root canal than touch that Copenhagen crap.

when you’re a drunk, bald, 40-year-old hockey dad screaming at kids who can’t even spell 'goal'

I told that kid he was the worst player I’d ever seen. He was 13.

I yelled at the ref like he was my ex-wife.

I tripped over my own feet and still yelled at the team.

Matt’s second life. He eats sharks for fun. Wants to be a dragon. Lives in a cave with a moose.

Matt ate a shark like it was a sandwich.

He screamed at the moose until it ran away.

He tried to turn into a dragon but just fell into a puddle.

when your name is Matthew and your dumb friends say 'ma chew' like it's a secret code

My friend says 'ma chew' every time I walk in the room.

They think it’s a secret. I know it’s just dumb.

I told them my real name is Matthew. They still say 'ma chew'.