Macaulay Culkin

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A kid who was the king of the world in the 90s but now lives in a hotel and eats cereal for dinner while crying into his phone.

'Macaulay Culkin is the reason I don't have a job.'

'He's like a ghost who used to be famous.'

'He's the sad version of a kid who got the last cookie.'

When you call someone just to hear their voice and then hang up and laugh at yourself.

'I called my ex just to hear her say hi.'

'I called my mom 5 times in one day.'

'I called my crush and hung up after 3 seconds.'

A woman takes a guy's cum, flings it at him like it's a slingshot, and makes him scream like he's being chased by a psycho kid with a hockey stick.

'She slapped me with my own cum and I cried.'

'I thought I was going to die when she flung it at me.'

'She made me scream like I was in a horror movie.'

You're in the middle of a sexy time, you pull out, blow it in your hand, rub it all over, and then slap your partner like they owe you money.

'I slapped him so hard he thought it was a new year.'

'She slapped me with my own cum and I laughed.'

'I did it to my boyfriend and he thought I was mad.'

When you're stuck at home with no one to talk to, you just jerk off because you have no life and nothing better to do.

'I jerked off because I had nothing better to do.'

'I was home alone and had no friends.'

'I did it because my life is a mess.'