Lady Bitch

She stole my lunch money and set my goldfish on fire.

She robbed a bank just to get a better tan.

She cheated on her boyfriend with his brother and his dog.

She showed up to the Oscars with glitter in her hair and a wine bottle for a handbag.

She danced on a table and tried to sing opera with a mouth full of pizza.

She passed out on a limo floor and woke up in a pool.

He flirted with my teacher and got a D+ instead of an A.

He asked my sister out and then asked her brother for a snack.

He tried to flirt with my dog and got chased by my mom.

She smiled at me, then yelled at my cat for eating my homework.

She said 'hello' and then insulted my entire family.

She gave me a compliment and then called me a failure.