ladwiththehat

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a man who looks like he just got kicked by a donkey and also owes money

He walked into the bar like he’d been fighting a bear and lost.

He yelled at the waiter like the waiter had stolen his lunch money.

He tried to buy a pizza with a broken ATM and a broken heart.

a man who thinks he’s the king of the world but also smells like old socks

He sat on the throne of his couch and yelled at the TV like it was a rival kingdom.

He tried to make a sandwich and failed because he forgot how to use a knife.

He walked into a room and everyone immediately backed away like he was a ticking bomb.

a man who would fight a dragon with a spoon if it made him late for his coffee

He fought with a dragon just to get his coffee on time and still spilled it.

He tried to explain the rules of life to a dragon and got yelled at.

He had a dragon for a pet and still forgot to feed it.