lactucarium

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A smelly white goo from wild lettuce that makes you sleepy and numb your pain. It's like opium's ugly cousin who shows up late to the party.

My aunt tried it and fell asleep during the church service. She snored like a chainsaw.

My brother called it 'weed for people who hate weed.'

My cousin took it and didn't wake up until noon. He missed his mom's funeral.

A sticky white liquid from some wild lettuce that makes you feel like you've been hit by a truck and then given a hug.

My dog ate some and started dancing in circles like he was possessed.

My neighbor used it to fall asleep during tax season. He didn’t wake up until spring.

My sister called it 'the sleepy juice' and drank it like it was soda.

A gross white goo from wild lettuce that makes you feel like you're floating in a bathtub full of farts.

My cousin took it and started talking to the ceiling like it was his ex.

My dog took it and peed on the neighbor’s lawn. It was like a waterfall of liquid disgrace.

My uncle took it and fell asleep mid-sentence. He didn’t finish his story.