Lacquered Up

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To be so drunk you can’t tell your butt from your elbow and you’re yelling at the ceiling like it owes you money.

I lacquered up so hard I tried to talk to my fridge and it ignored me.

He was lacquered up and cried at a commercial for a pizza that wasn’t even good.

She lacquered up and tried to dance like she was in a Broadway show. It was tragic.

To be so wasted you think you’re a superhero and you’re fighting a salad in the microwave.

I lacquered up and fought a salad. I lost. It was a tough loss.

He was lacquered up and tried to fly out the window. He fell into a soup bowl.

She lacquered up and yelled at the TV like it was her ex.

To be so drunk you can’t walk straight and you’re convinced the floor is trying to flirt with you.

I lacquered up and tried to walk. I ended up in a chair. It was a good chair.

He was lacquered up and thought the floor was a friend. He hugged it.

She lacquered up and asked the wall if it wanted to go to the movies. It said no.

To be so wasted you think you’re famous and you’re giving a speech to your dog.

I lacquered up and gave a speech to my dog. It was a long speech. The dog was confused.

He was lacquered up and thought he was a rockstar. He tried to sing. It was a disaster.

She lacquered up and told her cat she was going to be on TV. The cat rolled its eyes.

To be so drunk you can’t remember your own name and you’re screaming at the pizza box like it stole your life.

I lacquered up and screamed at the pizza box. It was very dramatic.

He was lacquered up and couldn’t remember his own name. He called himself ‘Bob’ and it stuck.

She lacquered up and told the pizza box she was going to take over the world. It said ‘cheese’.