lackadopatosous

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You’re frantically searching the whole damn world because you’re out of drugs and your brain is screaming

I looked under my bed, in my mom’s purse, and even in the fridge. Nothing but expired yogurt.

I called my cousin at 2 a. m. just to ask if he had any Xanax. He hung up.

I ran out of weed and my brain is like, 'You promised me pizza.'

You’re so high on nothing that you’re looking for something that isn’t there

I looked in my sock drawer for my missing dopamine. It wasn’t there. I cried.

I thought my dog had my pills. He just had a nap.

I told my mom I was going to the moon to find my stash. She called the cops.

You’re acting like a detective because you’re out of dope and your brain is on fire

I questioned my neighbor, my barista, and my goldfish. None of them had any dope.

I searched my closet like it was a crime scene. I found my old math test. Not helpful.

I even checked my phone for hidden compartments. It had 2000 messages from my ex.

You’re so desperate for drugs you’re looking for them in places that don’t make sense

I looked in the microwave. It had popcorn. Not helpful.

I asked my cat if it had any pills. It just blinked at me.

I even tried to call my gym. They said I had no membership.

You’re so out of drugs you’re questioning reality and your own existence

I looked in the mirror and asked it where my drugs were. It didn’t answer.

I thought my fridge was a portal to another dimension. It just had salad.

I told my mom I was going to find my drugs in the afterlife. She said, 'You’re not dead yet.'

You’re so wasted you’re looking for drugs in places that don’t exist

I went to the moon to find my weed. It was just a dream.

I asked my teacher if the classroom had any drugs. She gave me a pop quiz.

I told my dog I was going to the other side of the world. He just ate my shoe.