Labattomy

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When you drink so much Labatt you forget your own name and start yelling at the fridge.

I woke up on the floor yelling 'Labatt, why did you abandon me?'

My roommate thought I was talking to him. I was just screaming at the beer.

I tried to text my mom. I sent 'Labatt is my only friend' 17 times.

When Labatt turns you into a human fire hydrant spitting beer at strangers.

I spat beer on a guy in the subway. He thought I was a weirdo. I was just a Labatt victim.

I tried to walk home. I tripped over my own foot and threw a beer can at a pigeon.

My dog ran away because I was yelling 'Labatt forever' at the mailman.

When Labatt makes you forget your pants and your dignity.

I walked into a store wearing only my socks and a Labatt hat. The clerk asked if I was okay. I said 'I am Labatt, and I am glorious.'

I tried to dance. I fell over. I blamed Labatt.

I texted my boss 'I can’t come to work. Labatt is holding me hostage.'

When Labatt turns you into a monster who eats chips and screams at the moon.

I ate six bags of chips and screamed 'Labatt, you are my hero!' at the moon.

I woke up in the park wearing my pants inside out and a chip stuck to my face.

I tried to sing. I just yelled 'Labatt!' at the top of my lungs.

When Labatt takes over your brain and makes you do stupid stuff like dance in the grocery store.

I danced in the cereal aisle. The clerk gave me a weird look. I said 'Labatt told me to.'

I tried to buy a whole cart of beer. I only had $2. I cried.

I started a fight with a bag of chips. It was a sad, glorious fight.

When you drink so much Labatt you become a human trash can and start crying at the bar.

I cried at the bar. The bartender said 'You’re not sad. You’re just very Labatt.'

I threw my empty cans at the bar. I said 'Labatt, you are my king.'

I tried to leave. I tripped on my own feet and fell into a pile of Labatt cans.