la-la-ing

You said she was a gold-digging, two-faced bimbo who’d cheat on you in the first week of your engagement. She was at the wedding. You were the one who walked out with the best man.

He said she was a dumb, fat cow who'd rather eat a whole pizza than talk to him. She was eating the pizza. He was the one who got the cheese stuck in his teeth.

She called him a low-life, washed-up, balding, loser who couldn't even pay rent. He was sitting there with a pizza box and a $5 bill.

You said you'd let her win the lottery. Then you told her she only won a scratch-off with a $10 prize. She thought it was a real lottery.

He told her she'd get a new car. Then he said it was a used minivan that smelled like a raccoon’s closet.

She thought she was getting a free trip to Paris. Then she found out it was a 2-hour bus ride to a hotel with a broken AC.

He was at a bar with a girl who looked like a walking cupcake. He sent her a picture of his face with a hot dog in it. He told me he was getting a raise. I told him he got fired.

She was at a nightclub wearing a dress that had more glitter than a disco ball. She sent me a video of her dancing with a guy who had a mustache like a raccoon. I told her I was going to sleep. She told me I was going to regret it.

He was at a party with two girls who looked like they had just escaped a candy factory. He sent me a picture of the girls with a message that said 'I'm getting a new life. You're getting a new roommate.' I told him I was going to kill him.