Kaitlyn Elizabeth Eaves

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the most unholy human being ever. she’s like a saint but with a swear word for every problem.

Kaitlyn just turned my lunch into a science experiment. I got a B+ in math because of her.

She called my dad a 'fart in a diaper' in front of the whole class. I was proud.

She turned my essay into a rap battle. I lost.

the queen of everything. she’s got a crown made of insults and a throne made of my failures.

She said my hair looked like a raccoon’s breakfast. I cried.

She turned my math test into a poem. I got a D+.

She called my crush a 'crushed soda can.' I died.

the only person who could make the principal cry. she’s got a magic voice and a swear word for every problem.

She told the principal he smelled like a garbage can. He got a warning.

She turned my report card into a joke. I got a C.

She made my teacher cry with a single sentence. I laughed.