Kaiser Gerald

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A genius with a brain the size of a football and a taste for songs that make your brain hurt.

Kaiser Gerald can solve math problems in his head while listening to 80s rock and still complain about his WiFi.

He has a PC worth more than his dad’s car but buys ramen from the gas station.

He’s so smart he can explain quantum physics to a goldfish and still cry about his ex.

Has more money tied up in graphics cards than sense, but can’t afford a decent sandwich.

He spent €10,000 on a GPU and still eats cereal for dinner.

His PC is so powerful it can simulate the Big Bang, but his shower is freezing.

He bought a new monitor, but the toilet is clogged.

So special he doesn’t need words, he just needs a feeling and a lot of screaming.

We’ll miss you, Kaiser Gerald, because you’re the only one who can make a Monday feel like a funeral.

He doesn’t talk, he just stares at you and makes you feel bad.

He’s the reason we all cry at 3 a. m. on a Tuesday.