kai samson

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a human who talks so much it’s like they’ve got a loud mouth and a full-time job.

Kai Samson just started talking and hasn’t stopped since the 1980s.

He texted me 20 messages about his sandwich. The sandwich didn’t even have meat.

He gave a 5-minute speech about why his coffee is the best. It’s just coffee.

a person who thinks they're the main character of everyone’s story, even when they're not.

He told me his life story during my lunch break. I only had 10 minutes left.

He walked into the room and immediately started telling everyone about his dog’s Instagram.

He said he was the reason the sun came up. I don’t believe him.

someone who talks like they’re in a movie and somehow makes everyone else feel like extras.

He said, ‘I’m not just a person. I’m a legend.’ Then he sat down.

He did a dramatic pause before saying, ‘And then… I ate a taco.’

He walked into the group chat and immediately started monologuing.

a human who’s so full of themselves, they think they’re the reason the internet was invented.

He said he created the internet. He also said he invented the wheel. Twice.

He told me he had 10 million followers. I checked. He had 2.

He sent me a 3-page message about why he’s the best person ever. I’m still reading it.

a person who talks so much, you start wondering if they have a second mouth hidden somewhere.

He talked through his lunch. The sandwich didn’t even get a chance to be eaten.

He had a 10-minute conversation with his coffee. The coffee didn’t say anything.

He started talking during my Zoom call. I had to mute him. Twice.

a human who believes they're the center of every story, even when they're just in the background.

He walked into the room and immediately started talking about his day. The day was fine. He wasn’t.

He sent me a message saying, ‘You’re lucky I’m here. Otherwise, no one would be.’

He told me his life story during the movie. I only watched 2 minutes.