1
being so drunk you can’t tell your pants from your face
I woke up in a dumpster and my dog was crying.
He tried to dance but fell into a pizza box.
She said she was a vampire and tried to bite my arm.
ka$hed
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2
when you drink so much you forget your own name and start talking to the toilet
He said the toilet was his ex and asked it to come back.
She started singing the national anthem to a soda can.
He tried to text his mom but sent a selfie to the fridge.
3
so wasted you think your friend is a chicken and start wrestling them
He thought his buddy was a chicken and tried to peck him.
She started wrestling the waiter and spilled a whole drink.
He fought the barista and got kicked out.
4
you’re so drunk you start crying and then laugh at yourself for crying
He cried in a subway and then laughed at his own sobbing.
She cried in the middle of a dance and then did a backflip.
He cried over a bag of chips and then threw it at his friend.
5
you’re so wasted you think you’re a superhero and start fighting invisible enemies
He fought a ghost and tried to punch the air.
She yelled at the ceiling and thought it was her nemesis.
He kicked a wall and said it was the villain.
6
you’re so drunk you try to eat a whole pizza and then blame it on your ex
He ate the whole pizza and said his ex made him do it.
She tried to eat the crust and then cried.
He bit the pizza box and said it was a sign of love.