Kaasmir

He said he’s the best at chess, even though he lost to my grandma.

He tried to teach me how to make goulash, but it tasted like dirt and regret.

He called my mom 'a peasant' just because she didn’t know what a ‘kaasmir’ was.

He bragged about his coffee like it was a superpower.

He said he could beat anyone in a dance-off, even though he tripped over his own shoelace.

He tried to explain ‘kaasmir’ to my dog, and the dog just stared at him like he was a weird human.

He kept saying he’s better at soccer than me, even though he fell into a puddle.

He claimed he could cook, but his spaghetti looked like a science experiment gone wrong.

He told my dad he was ‘the best’ at everything, and my dad just laughed and said, ‘You’re the worst.’