Jacob Smyth

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5 views · Added 10d ago · 3 definitions

The drunk guy who parties like it's his job. He's tiny, but his cock is huge and his dating history is worse than your mom's marriage.

Jacob: 'I'm not drunk. I'm just slightly aware of my surroundings.'

He showed up to the party in a bathrobe and a pair of socks. And he was still hot.

He texted me at 2 AM: 'I'm not leaving. I'm just sleeping here. Maybe.'

The guy who drinks so much he forgets his own name. He's cute, but his life choices are trashier than your brother's.

He tried to propose to a bartender at 3 AM. It didn’t go well.

He texted me: 'I'm not a failure. I'm just currently in the process of becoming one.'

He showed up to the bar with a hangover and a date he didn’t remember meeting.

The friend who lives for the party and probably drinks your dad’s beer. He’s short, but he’s got a big cock and a bigger dating history.

He texted me: 'I'm not short. I'm just strategically positioned.'

He showed up to the party with a girlfriend he didn’t remember dating.

He tried to start a fight with a bartender over the last shot.