jacob nelson

I saw Jacob Nelson passed out on a park bench with a half-eaten burger and a full bottle of cheap whiskey

He tried to fight me at a gas station because I called him a ‘Missouri man’

His dog died last week and he still smells like it

He got kicked out of the bar for screaming about how Missouri is better than every state

He tried to flirt with my mom and called her a ‘Missouri girl’

He passed out on the sidewalk and still had a beer in his hand

He showed up at my house at 2 a. m. with a bottle of whiskey and no pants on

He tried to tell me how great Missouri is and I had to punch him

He smells like old socks and beer and still thinks he’s cool