Jacob Joseph Kennedy

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4 views · Added 10d ago · 6 definitions

A guy who thinks he's holy, but still texts you at 2 a. m. with a photo of his breakfast and a sermon about how cereal is a sin.

DM: 'Bro, I just ate a waffle. It was a test of faith.'

Tweet: 'Cereal is for people who don't know the power of toast.'

Text: 'I'm gonna preach about wheat at lunch.'

A guy who watches TV like it's a religion and thinks he can change the world by making people watch his favorite show.

Tweet: 'If you don't watch this show, you're doomed.'

Text: 'This show is the key to salvation.'

DM: 'I just watched an episode. I'm gonna save the world now.'

A guy who gets mad when people don't have food and thinks he can fix it by yelling at the grocery store.

Tweet: 'The grocery store is a sin. I'll fight them.'

Text: 'I'm gonna go to the store and argue with the bread.'

DM: 'I just fought the cereal aisle. I won.'

A guy who thinks he can be a saint and still text you about his day like he's your best friend.

Text: 'I just prayed. I'm still hungry.'

DM: 'I'm a saint, but I need a sandwich.'

Tweet: 'Saint status is just a bonus. The sandwich was the main event.'

A guy who believes he can change the world by fighting for people who don't have food and still texts you about it at midnight.

Text: 'I just fought for bread. I'm still hungry.'

DM: 'I'm saving the world. I'll text you later.'

Tweet: 'Fighting food poverty is my side hustle.'

A guy who's part preacher, part food warrior, and still texts you about it like it's the most important thing in life.

Text: 'I'm saving the world. And I need a snack.'

DM: 'I just gave a sermon. Now I need a sandwich.'

Tweet: 'I'm part of the holy trinity: faith, food, and texting.'