Jacob Hughes

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A giant pile of crap who thinks he's cool but is just a sad excuse for a human being.

He tried to ask me out and said 'you’re the bomb', I told him I was the bomb and he was the trash can.

He tried to flex his new shoes and tripped over his own feet.

He said he was 'on fire', I told him I was the fire and he was the burnt toast.

A meaty disaster who thinks he’s hot but is just a walking middle finger to the universe.

He tried to text me and sent a photo of his face, I told him I was the photo and he was the embarrassment.

He tried to dance and looked like a confused cow in a disco.

He said he was 'smashing it', I told him I was the smash and he was the broken glass.

A giant sack of donkey dung who thinks he’s a king but is just a sad, sweaty mess.

He tried to flirt and said 'you’re my queen', I told him I was the queen and he was the throne made of garbage.

He tried to do a cool pose and looked like a deflated balloon.

He said he was 'on top of the world', I told him I was the world and he was the pile of socks.