jackopotamus

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A round guy who can't get it up or get it in, so he just jacks off like a desperate man with a bad diet.

My uncle is a jackopotamus. He jacks off in the kitchen while eating a whole pie.

This guy at the gym is a jackopotamus. He jacks off while doing leg lifts.

My friend’s dad is a jackopotamus. He jacks off in the car during traffic jams.

A man so fat and sad, he jacks off just to feel something other than his own weight.

That jackopotamus at the park jacks off behind the swings. It’s a sad sight.

My neighbor is a jackopotamus. He jacks off in the backyard like it’s a big deal.

My teacher’s brother is a jackopotamus. He jacks off in the library during lunch.

A man who's too fat to get laid, so he jacks off like it's his only chance to feel alive.

That jackopotamus jacks off in the shower every morning. It's like a daily ritual.

My cousin's a jackopotamus. He jacks off in the living room while eating chips.

That guy at the bus stop is a jackopotamus. He jacks off while waiting for the bus.