jack murphy

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1
Jack Murphy is a goddamn legend. He's hot, he's smart, he's got the best taste in music, and he’s got the best cock in the whole damn world. He’s got a way of making you feel like you’re the only woman on the planet.
Jack is the best man I ever had. He makes me feel like I'm the only woman on Earth.
Jack is the only man who could make me feel like I was the luckiest woman in the world.
Jack is the most amazing man alive. I would marry him again if I had to.
2
Jack Murphy is a f*ing gay man who eats d*ks for breakfast and sh*ts them out for dinner. He’s got a cock so big it could f* an armadillo.
Jack eats d*ks like they’re candy. He eats d*ks for breakfast and sh*ts them out for dinner.
Jack loves to eat d*ks so much he f*ed an armadillo.
Jack eats d*ks like he's a cannibal.
3
Jack Murphy thinks he's the king of the ranch, but all he owns is a Mitsubishi Triton and a bunch of cock-suckin’ habits.
Jack says he's the king of the ranch, but all he owns is a Mitsubishi Triton.
Jack plays with d*ks on his ranch and thinks he owns the place.
Jack is just a guy who thinks he's the king of the ranch.
4
Jack Murphy is a total f*ckin’ merkin lover. He’s got a thing for merkins and nothing else matters.
Jack loves merkins more than anything else.
Jack is a total merkin lover.
Jack is the king of merkins.
5
Jack Murphy is a f*ckin’ cocky bully who gives out detentions like they’re going out of style. He’s got Tourette’s and he uses it to make kids cry.
Jack is a total cocky bully who gives out detentions for no reason.
Jack bullies kids with Tourette’s and gives out detentions like it's his job.
Jack is the most annoying person in the school.
6
Jack Murphy is a total f*ckin’ nerd. He’s got a small group of nerdy friends and the popular kids all hate him.
Jack is a total nerd who hangs out with other nerds.
Jack is the kind of guy who thinks he’s cool but everyone else thinks he’s a total d*ck.
Jack is a total d*ck but no one can deny he’s a real person.
7
Jack Murphy is the f*ckin’ worst. He’s a total d*ckhead and everyone knows it.
Jack is the worst. He’s a total d*ckhead.
Jack is the f*ckin’ worst d*ckhead in the world.
Jack is the kind of guy who makes you want to punch him in the face.
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