Jack landon

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A fella who chases little kids like they're candy and talks to 13-year-olds like they're his future

'Hey, wanna hang out after school? I'll buy you a slushie.'

'You're so cute, I could eat you for breakfast.'

'I'm not creepy, I'm just... extra.'

A guy who dates and chats with kids because he's too young to know what a real relationship is

'You're my favorite person ever. I'll be your boyfriend forever.'

'I'm not cheating, I'm just trying out new stuff.'

'I'm just testing my luck with 13-year-olds.'

A loser who thinks talking to kids is a sign of being cool and dates them like they're celebrities

'You're like my hero. I follow you everywhere.'

'I'm your number one fan. You're my main squeeze.'

'I'm not a creep, I'm just... obsessed.'