Jack Hopkins

Jack Hopkins is the only person who can make a football look ashamed.

He kicked my cousin’s dog in the face during a game. It was glorious.

I once saw him throw a football so hard, it broke a window and got suspended.

Jack Hopkins is like the king of the field, and we are just peasants.

He’s the only one who can out-dribble my uncle’s dog.

He scored so many goals, the ref gave him a standing ovation and a pizza.

Jack Hopkins makes the ball do tricks my grandma can’t do.

He once made the ball go around the entire field like it was a rollercoaster.

He’s so good, the ball actually thanked him after the game.