JACK GUNTHER

He threw a bag of salt at me during Thanksgiving. It was a full-on war.

My dad said he'd salt my dog's bed if I didn't clean my room. I got sand in my sleep.

He threatened to sell my lunch money to the salt company. I had to eat tuna for a week.

He yelled at the grocery store because their salt wasn't good enough. I had to eat the whole bag.

He got mad at my mom for using pepper. Now we have to live with the salt forever.

He said if I didn't get an A, he'd put me in a salt mine. I cried for a week.

He threw a salt bomb in my room. My bed is now a salt lake.

He said I'd have to work at the salt company if I failed math. I cried salt tears.

He salted my shoes and I slipped in the hallway. Everyone laughed.