jack farmer

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a farmer who drinks so much he can't tell his balls from his boots and will die a virgin

He tried to flirt with the cow. The cow mooed. He passed out.

His tractor is always drunk. His tractor doesn't even know where it's going.

He tried to get laid. The chicken ran away. He cried.

a kid who chews Bosco sticks like they're going out of style and makes it look like a sexual experience

He eats Bosco sticks in front of the class. The class is confused. The teacher is horrified.

He tried to kiss a girl. She saw his Bosco stick. She ran.

He brought Bosco sticks to the prom. Everyone thought it was a prank. It wasn’t.