Jack Anderson

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A bass player who's so obsessed with that stupid vinyl, he probably peed on it when he finally got it.

Jack: 'I’ve waited years for that vinyl. I even prayed to the toilet god.'

Jack: 'That vinyl is my soul. I will die if I lose it.'

Jack: 'I got the vinyl. I’m not even alive anymore.'

A bassist in Cornicopia who takes way too many superzooms and is totally obsessed with minions, like they’re his life.

Jack: 'I took 17 superzooms today. I’m a god.'

Jack: 'Minions are my friends. My real friends are dead.'

Jack: 'I eat minions for breakfast. They’re just better than cereal.'

A guy who tries to look tough, but he’s actually a soft, gay kid who cries at sad movies and cuts his hair like a girl.

Jack: 'I’m not gay. I just like haircuts.'

Jack: 'I cried during The Notebook. I’m not a crybaby, I’m a professional.'

Jack: 'I look tough. I just have a soft heart. Also, I’m gay.'

The best guy ever. He’s perfect, and if you don’t treat him right, you’ll regret it.

Jack: 'I’m the best guy. You’re just a nobody.'

Jack: 'You don’t respect me? I’ll make you cry.'

Jack: 'I’m the best. You’re just a mess.'

A guy who loves jumping so much, he can do a backflip in math class and still get the problem wrong.

Jack: 'I jumped so high, I almost hit the ceiling. I still got the math wrong.'

Jack: 'I did a backflip in math class. The teacher didn’t even notice.'

Jack: 'I jumped, I got the answer wrong, and I still looked cool.'