J Pratt

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The wrinkled old man who yells at everyone because he’s still mad his fat wife won’t stop eating cake.

J Pratt: 'Why is everyone talking about my wife again? She ate three cakes last night!'

J Pratt: 'I’m not mad. I’m just disappointed.'

J Pratt: 'If she stops eating cake, I might stop talking about her.'

The guy who thinks he’s still cool because he still has a fat wife.

J Pratt: 'I’m not old. I’m just classically handsome.'

J Pratt: 'My wife’s fat. That’s a feature.'

J Pratt: 'You kids don’t know the meaning of true love.'

The man who can’t stop talking about his wife because she won’t stop eating.

J Pratt: 'She ate a whole pizza by herself!'

J Pratt: 'I’m not talking about her. I’m just commenting.'

J Pratt: 'If she stops eating, I’ll die of boredom.'