i'm a tree

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1
You're so screwed you're just standing there like a tree, saying, 'I'm a tree,' like it fixes anything.
'I'm a tree,' he said, staring at the cop like he just lost his last brain cell.
'I'm a tree,' she whispered as the knife came closer.
'I'm a tree,' he said, and then he got arrested.
2
Calling yourself a tree when you're doing geometry, like you're too cool to count angles.
'I'm a tree,' he said, drawing a triangle like it was a sword.
She said, 'I'm a tree,' and then she solved the equation in her head.
He said, 'I'm a tree,' and then he got an A.
3
You're not at work, but your boss is yelling at you like you're already dead and they’re just finishing you off.
'I'm a tree,' he said, but his boss was already on his back.
She said, 'I'm a tree,' and then she got a call from her boss.
He said, 'I'm a tree,' and then he got fired.
4
You're so good at gaming, you're like a tree, and they're just trying to hit you with a stick.
'I'm a tree,' he said, and then he killed the guy with one hit.
She said, 'I'm a tree,' and then she won the game.
He said, 'I'm a tree,' and then he got a trophy.
5
You're giving shade so hard, you're like a tree in the middle of a sunny day, and you're blocking everything.
'I'm a tree,' he said, and then he blocked the sun.
She said, 'I'm a tree,' and then she blocked the light.
He said, 'I'm a tree,' and then he blocked the person.
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