I'll be a son of a Siberian sea sucking sunfish

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1
A wild old phrase that means you're so shocked you could swear the devil himself just bit your toe.
I'll be a son of a Siberian sea sucking sunfish if that pizza was free.
You just told my mom I was a bad kid. I'll be a son of a Siberian sea sucking sunfish.
I saw a goat wear a hat. I'll be a son of a Siberian sea sucking sunfish.
2
A phrase so strong it could make a saint cry and a curse come true at the same time.
I'll be a son of a Siberian sea sucking sunfish if my math teacher is not human.
That new haircut? I'll be a son of a Siberian sea sucking sunfish.
I just got a C on a test. I'll be a son of a Siberian sea sucking sunfish.
3
A swear word so loud it could wake the dead and scare the living.
I'll be a son of a Siberian sea sucking sunfish if that dog just ate my homework.
I saw my dad wear socks with sandals. I'll be a son of a Siberian sea sucking sunfish.
I just got grounded. I'll be a son of a Siberian sea sucking sunfish.
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