I wear binoculars

I wear binoculars so I don’t have to squint at your ugly face

I can spot you in the crowd like you’re the only one who didn’t bring pants

I wear binoculars because you’re so far away and I’m still mad about your bad hair

I wear binoculars to see your face from across the room like you’re a thief

I’m watching you like you’re about to steal my snacks

I wear binoculars because you’re too far away and I’m still mad about your bad decisions

I wear binoculars to see your face like it’s a mystery

I use binoculars to inspect you like you’re a suspect

I’m staring at you with binoculars like you’ve stolen my last cookie