I Smack Perianal Abscesses Out From Under You.

I saw him in the gym and he had a full-blown abscess. I told him, 'You're not a man, you're a walking infection.'

She posted a selfie with a pus-filled bump and I said, 'That's not a beauty shot, that's a crime scene.'

He asked me for advice and I said, 'You're not getting better, you're just getting more expensive.'

I saw him in the doctor's office and said, 'You're not fighting a war, you're just losing.'

She posted a video of her squeezing an abscess and I said, 'That's not a flex, that's a cry for help.'

He told me he got one every month and I said, 'You're not lucky, you're cursed.'

I walked by him and he was screaming, so I said, 'You're not a hero, you're a disaster.'

She posted a picture of her butt and I said, 'That's not a photo, that's a horror movie.'

He told me he had three abscesses at once and I said, 'You're not multi-tasking, you're multi-suffering.'