I should’ve swallowed you

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A mom’s way of saying she should’ve let you die in the womb because you were a bad sperm and she was too tired to do anything right.

My mom said that after I spilled cereal on her brand new couch.

She yelled it at me when I failed math again.

She said it during a screaming match over my bad hair.

A mom’s way of saying you were the worst sperm ever and she should’ve taken a nap instead of letting you live.

She said that when I ate all her cookies.

After I ruined her weekend with my bad grades.

She told me that while I was eating pizza for dinner.

A mom’s way of saying she should’ve thrown you out of the womb because you were a stupid sperm and she was too tired to deal with you.

She said that during a fight about my messy room.

After I broke her favorite mug.

She told me that while I was eating ice cream for breakfast.