I need to sort out my life

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The only thing worse than your life is when you say it out loud like it’s some kind of fancy problem.

My mom said that when I told her I failed my math test.

My crush said that when I asked him why he didn’t text me back.

My dog said that when I left him alone for three days.

What your brain says when your life is a mess and you’re too lazy to fix it.

My brain said that when I skipped school and ate pizza for breakfast.

My brain said that when I got into a fight with my best friend.

My brain said that when I tried to text my crush and only sent a random meme.

The excuse you make when you're too busy being a total disaster to handle anything else.

I told my teacher that when I forgot my homework and my dog ate my backpack.

I told my friend that when I showed up to the party wearing pajamas and a hat.

I told my mom that when I said I was going to sleep and then played video games for six hours.