I fuckin doubt it

I fuckin doubt it. You said you fought a dragon? I’ve seen your mom fight a toaster.

I fuckin doubt it. You failed math last year and now you’re telling me you’re a genius? Please.

I fuckin doubt it. You said you got 100 likes on your selfie? I’ve seen your dog get more attention.

I fuckin doubt it. You said you dated the principal? I’ve seen him date my mom’s cat.

I fuckin doubt it. You told me you could run a mile in 10 seconds. I ran that in 10 minutes and I’m still out of breath.

I fuckin doubt it. You said you got a perfect score on the test? I got a 62 and I still remember the questions.

I fuckin doubt it. You said you won the lottery? I’ve seen you lose a bet on who’s the better singer between me and a parrot.

I fuckin doubt it. You told me you could bench press a horse? I can barely lift my backpack.

I fuckin doubt it. You said you had a date with a celebrity? I’ve seen you flirt with the mailman and he still said no.

I fuckin doubt it. You said you could live without sleep? I’ve seen you fall asleep in the middle of a sentence.

I fuckin doubt it. You told me you could swim across the ocean? I can’t even swim across the pool.

I fuckin doubt it. You said you could eat a whole pizza in one bite? I’ve seen you struggle with one slice.

I fuckin doubt it. You said you got into Harvard? I’ve seen you fail the entrance exam for the local pizza shop.

I fuckin doubt it. You told me you could solve the world’s problems in 10 minutes? I’ve seen you argue with your little brother for 10 minutes and still didn’t win.

I fuckin doubt it. You said you could beat up the school bully? I’ve seen him beat up my dad.