I feel like a hobo

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You did something so dumb you think you should be living in a trash can and eating expired pizza

I tried to rob a convenience store and got caught by the guy who works there.

I texted my ex’s mom and told her I was coming over.

I tried to wear socks as gloves and failed.

You feel like you’ve been kicked out of heaven and thrown into a dumpster fire

I tried to eat a whole cake in one sitting and now I’m crying.

I tried to flirt with a cop and got a ticket.

I tried to be cool by wearing my pajamas to school.

You’re so broke and stupid you think you should be living in a box and eating expired ramen

I used my last dollar to buy a soda and now I’m stuck with nothing.

I tried to be rich by buying a $5 lottery ticket and lost.

I tried to impress my crush by doing a backflip and face-planted.