I am not suicidal

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A fake promise people use when they're about to spill some juicy secrets, usually about the government or one of its stinky departments.

I am not suicidal, but I might be if you don't shut up about that classified file.

I am not suicidal, but I'm getting real close to telling everyone about that secret prison under the White House.

I am not suicidal, but I will be if you don’t stop talking about the alien conspiracy.

When someone says they're not going to die, but then they end up jumping off a building like a stupid frog with a bad attitude.

I am not suicidal, but I just watched Kermit die on live TV and now I’m thinking about it.

I am not suicidal, but I’m gonna go jump off the Empire State Building if this meeting doesn’t end.

I am not suicidal, but I’m halfway up the stairs and I’m still thinking about it.