I Am Free Finally (02/03/2025)

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A human who can't stop picking at their butt and thinks it's a hobby.

I’ve been sitting in a puddle of my own sweat and pus since Tuesday.

My coworkers think I’m doing yoga. I’m just trying not to scream.

I texted my mom ‘I’m fine’ and then immediately cried into a toilet.

A person who shoves a finger up their rear end like it’s a job interview.

I got hired for a job just to escape my own butt hole.

My boss said I was ‘creative’ when I screamed during a meeting.

I tried to text my friend and sent a photo of my rear end instead.

A human who thinks their butt is the center of the universe and everyone else is just there to suffer.

I told my doctor I was feeling fine. He gave me a look like I’d lied to his mom.

I tried to go to church and just sat in the pew and cried.

I sent my sister a message that just said ‘butt’ and she replied with ‘I’m coming over.’

A human who gets paid to sit and stink and think it's a lifestyle.

I got a raise for showing up in a diaper.

My boss said I was ‘inventive’ when I threw my coffee at the wall.

I tried to go to a party and just sat in the corner and smelled like a swamp.

A person who would rather live in a hole than be around normal people.

I live in a hole and it’s perfect. My neighbors are just loud.

I told my friend I was going on vacation. I just walked into the woods.

I tried to go to the mall and got lost in the food court.

A human who thinks their butt is a portal to another dimension and everyone else is just stuck here.

I got fired for telling my boss I was ‘going through a portal’.

I tried to talk to my friend and just screamed about my butt.

I texted my mom ‘I’m in another dimension’ and she replied ‘Eat your dinner.’