i am batshit insane

My mom just threw a couch at me because I said I was going to eat a whole pizza box for breakfast.

My dad tried to call the cops but hung up when he realized I was still talking to a chicken.

My brother is crying because I told him the vacuum is plotting against us.

My mom is moving to Alaska and my dad is going to live with a llama.

My parents are splitting up because I told them the fridge is in love with the microwave.

My dad is going to marry a toaster and my mom is going to date a banana.

My mom is now living in a trash can and my dad is trying to communicate with a squirrel.

My parents are both taking a nap and won’t wake up until I stop talking to a lamp.

My mom is writing a will and my dad is trying to borrow money from a ghost.