I am a hardcore christian

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A person who thinks the devil is just a really bad substitute teacher.

I prayed to God for my math test and got a 23%.

I said the devil was a lousy substitute teacher and got a 98%.

I told the devil to go back to hell and my pop quiz was perfect.

A person who claims they can talk to God, but only when God is not busy fighting the devil.

I asked God for a snack and He said no because the devil was arguing about the lunch menu.

God told me to shut up while the devil was debating about pizza toppings.

I wanted to talk to God, but He was too busy yelling at the devil about the math test.

A person who thinks the devil has a better job than them.

The devil has a better job than me. He gets to argue with God all day.

I would trade my job with the devil any day. He gets snacks and a raise.

The devil has a better office, better snacks, and better benefits.

A person who thinks the devil is just a really bad barista.

The devil burns my coffee and makes me late for church.

I asked for a latte, and the devil gave me a burnt cup of sludge.

The devil works at Starbucks and he's the worst barista ever.

A person who thinks the devil is just a really loud neighbor.

The devil screams at me every morning at 6 AM.

I tried to sleep, but the devil was yelling about the neighbor's loud dog.

The devil's loud music woke me up and I got a 30% on my math test.

A person who thinks the devil is just a really bad DJ.

The devil plays the worst music and makes me want to cry.

The devil's playlist is just the worst. It's all elevator music and sad songs.

I asked the devil to play a good song, and he played the worst one ever.