Hairy Wash Burn

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A burn so huge from getting drenched by a sweaty hairy man who smells like a dead raccoon in a trash can.

My cousin got a hairy wash burn after trying to kiss a guy who hadn’t showered since the dinosaurs.

I got a hairy wash burn from my uncle’s cousin’s friend who looked like he’d been in a mud fight with a goat.

My mom’s friend got a hairy wash burn from a guy who smelled like old socks and regret.

A burn so bad it looks like you were thrown into a fire by a hairy man who just came out of a sewer.

My brother got a hairy wash burn from his crush who looked like he’d been living in a dumpster for a year.

I got a hairy wash burn from a guy who smelled like a gym sock that hadn’t been washed since the ’80s.

My dad got a hairy wash burn from a man who had more hair than a raccoon and smelled like a wet dog.

A burn so hot it feels like you got kissed by a hairy man who had been swimming in a toilet.

My friend got a hairy wash burn from a guy who smelled like a pizza box that had been left in the sun for a week.

I got a hairy wash burn from my teacher’s brother who looked like he hadn’t seen a shower in a decade.

My sister got a hairy wash burn from a man who had more hair than a goat and smelled like a gym sock that had been left in a locker for years.