hairy tongue

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1
A person who talks like a confused goose and picks the worst words to say.
My mom has a hairy tongue. She said, 'I’m gonna eat the TV.'
My teacher has a hairy tongue. He said, 'This test is a piece of cake.' It wasn’t.
My friend has a hairy tongue. He told his crush, 'You’re a bag of hot dogs.'
2
When you smoke so much your tongue looks like a burnt mop and smells like a trash can.
My uncle has a hairy tongue. He smokes 10 packs a day and it looks like a raccoon licked it.
My brother’s tongue is hairy. He said, 'I’m gonna die with a hairy tongue.' He didn’t.
My neighbor’s tongue is hairy. It’s like a dead frog stuck in a coffee filter.
3
A gross black fuzzy growth on your tongue that makes you look like a monster and smells like a dead rat.
My dog has a hairy tongue. It looks like a carpet and smells like a gym sock.
My dad’s tongue is hairy. He took Pepto-Bismol and it turned black. It was a disaster.
My sister’s tongue is hairy. She said it was from eating too much pizza. It wasn’t.
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