hagardinop

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the agony of thinking someone saw you wave, only to realize they were waving at the guy who just stole your lunch.

I waved at my crush, but he waved back at the guy who took my last taco.

I thought my mom saw me, but she was waving at the guy who broke her phone.

I waved at my friend, but he was waving at the guy who took my seat on the bus.

the bliss of buying $40 shoes you don't need because they're on sale and you're too dumb to know better.

I bought these shoes because they were on sale and I thought I was cool.

I spent $40 on these shoes and now I can't walk properly.

These shoes are $40 and I still wear my old ones.

the sound a tree makes when it falls in the woods and no one is there to hear it, except maybe a confused raccoon.

The tree fell and it made a sound only the raccoon heard.

The tree fell and no one was there, but the raccoon was confused.

The tree fell and the sound was so loud it woke up the raccoon.

when the bank is packed but no one is trying hard enough to get their money, like they're all just there for the vibe.

The bank was packed, but no one was trying to get their money, they were just there for the vibes.

Everyone was at the bank, but no one was in a rush, they were all just there for the experience.

The bank had a line, but no one was trying to get their money, they were just there for the energy.

the guy who gets paid to clean bird poop off benches, he’s probably the only person who knows how gross park benches really are.

He gets paid to clean bird poop off benches, and he probably hates life.

The guy who cleans bird poop off benches is probably the most tired person in the park.

He’s the guy who cleans bird poop off benches, and he’s seen it all.

a one-armed prostitute who picks last, trains llamas, and says ‘environment’ so much it sounds like she’s being chased by bees.

She’s a one-armed prostitute who says ‘environment’ so much it sounds like bees are chasing her.

She trains llamas during the day and says ‘environment’ so much it’s annoying.

She’s the one-armed prostitute who says ‘environment’ so much it’s like she’s being attacked by bees.

a person who dreams about drugs more than three times, and those dreams are either about pot or kids who smoke pot out of kraft singles.

He dreams about drugs every night, and it’s either pot or kids smoking pot out of kraft singles.

She has more than three dreams about drugs, and they’re all about kids smoking pot out of kraft singles.

He dreams about drugs more than three times, and it’s either pot or kids smoking pot out of kraft singles.