habitual wanker

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A person who can’t stop touching their own junk like it’s the last piece of cake on Earth

He’s been jerking off since breakfast and still has time to text me.

She’s been in the bathroom for 20 minutes and it’s only 9 a. m.

He tried to explain his day at work and it was just a long story about his wiener.

Someone who’s so addicted to their own pecker they forget how to breathe sometimes

He got into a fight with his girlfriend because she said he was ‘distracted’ during their dinner.

He missed his flight because he was too busy finishing up a session in the airport bathroom.

He tried to talk to his boss but just kept staring at his crotch.

A human who lives for the feeling of their own meat and nothing else

He texted me a photo of his lunch and it was just a sandwich and his boner.

He passed up a promotion because he was too busy ‘chasing his dreams’ in the shower.

He tried to write a novel but it was just a series of paragraphs about his private parts.