Habermans

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4 views · Added 12d ago · 4 definitions

flatter than a pancake that got run over by a truck, so tiny they could fit in a matchbox and still yell at you for not buying them a drink.

My boobs are so flat I could be a door mat for a gym.

These things are smaller than my brother’s lunch meat.

If I had a dollar for every time I got called a man because of my boobs, I’d be rich and I’d still be a man.

making the worst crimes sound like a bad day at the office by using words like 'questionable' and 'maybe' like they're your best friends.

'Is it a crime?' Please. It's a full-blown riot.

They turned a murder into a 'possible misunderstanding' and called it a day.

The guy robbed a bank and they called it 'a question of financial strategy'.

lying so hard your face is turning red, but you still let them talk because you're too afraid to call them out and lose your lunch money.

He said he got an A, but I know he failed. I just let him keep lying because I need my allowance.

She swore she didn’t steal my pencil, so I didn’t say anything even though I saw her with it.

He said he didn’t cheat, so I let him keep lying even though he was cheating.

zooming in on a tiny detail like it’s the grand finale when the whole show is on fire and no one cares.

The whole building was on fire, but all he cared about was the color of my socks.

The president got impeached, but they kept talking about the hat he wore that day.

The whole country is in chaos, but they’re arguing about the size of the coffee cups.