gal and a half

Marissa texted me at 2 a. m. with a photo of her cat wearing a crown and a message that said 'I rule the world.'

She called me at work and said, 'I just ate a whole pie and I’m not sorry.'

She DM’d me a song about her ex and said, 'This is my life now.'

Marissa screamed at the barista for giving her the wrong coffee and then tipped her $20.

She posted a TikTok of herself dancing in her pajamas and said, 'This is my power.'

She texted me during a Zoom call and said, 'You’re not even paying attention to me!'

Marissa got into a fight with the grocery store clerk because the oranges were out of order.

She told me she nearly cried when the milk was on the wrong shelf.

She texted me a photo of her cereal box with a note that said, 'This is a crisis.'

Marissa texted me at 9 a. m. and said, 'I just woke up and I’m already tired.'

She called me during my breakfast and said, 'I just ate my dog’s food and I’m not sorry.'

She posted a selfie with a spoon and said, 'This is my life now.'

Marissa ran a marathon and then texted me to say, 'I still have time to eat a pizza.'

She called me at 10 p. m. and said, 'I just finished my workout and I'm not even tired.'

She posted a video of herself doing yoga at 3 a. m. and said, 'This is my life now.'

Marissa said she got into a fight with a pigeon and won.

She texted me during a meeting and said, 'I just discovered a new kind of coffee and I’m not sorry.'

She called me at 8 a. m. and said, 'I just ate my cat’s food and I’m not sorry.'