Gaffneying

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When you dump your ex and throw all their stuff out like it’s trash, not like it was your life.

I threw his entire closet out because he cheated on me with my best friend.

She tossed my old jeans out because I didn’t text her back fast enough.

He threw my mom’s cookies in the trash because I didn’t like his new haircut.

When you sign a guy just to fill a spot, and he goes off and kills the game so bad, you win the title and everyone hates you.

I signed that guy just to cover for my injured starter and he dropped 200 yards on us.

She picked up a backup QB and he threw 5 touchdowns in the final game.

He signed a no-name receiver and he caught 10 balls in the championship.

A guy who’s super cool, can fly planes, do karate, play piano, and write books, but still has time to chill and watch anime.

He flies gliders, does karate, plays piano, and makes YouTube videos. And he still watches anime.

He’s got a black belt, a degree, and a side gig doing stand-up. He also knows how to cook.

He can write novels, play the drums, and still has time to play video games at 2 a. m.

A space mermaid so beautiful, she could make the moon blush and the sun jealous.

She’s so beautiful, the aliens asked her to be their queen.

She looked so good, even the stars stopped shining.

She came into the room and the whole galaxy turned to look at her.

A sexual position so wild, it’s like doing a dance with a flamingo while wearing a spacesuit.

They did the Gaffney and it looked like they were fighting a dragon.

They tried it once and both passed out for a week.

He did it with three guys and it was like a warzone.

When someone is so ugly, they look like they were hit by a truck and then stepped on by a elephant.

He looks like he was born in a dumpster and lived in a sewer.

She’s so ugly, the mirror ran away from her.

He’s the kind of person who makes the moon cry and the sun cover its eyes.

The best town in the south, with the best football team and peaches so good, they should be in heaven.

Gaffney has the best high school team and peaches so sweet, you could eat them for breakfast.

That town is like a dream come true for football fans and fruit lovers.

You could live there and never leave because it’s that good.